First Knight
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: The Council is up and running, so the Scoobs have finally gotten a chance to take a breath and look around... only to find one of them missing. Xander's returned to the US and the search for the man leads to a certain hotel...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own neither BtVS nor The Shining. **

**Once a King**

Xander listened to the council bickering and came to a decision, it was time to move on. He'd done his part and more to keep the world spinning, it was time for him to find his own place in life. Yes, half a year on the council did what five years in the wilds of Africa hadn't, it'd convinced him to leave.

He'd never realized how thin he'd spread himself trying to do everything, until he'd stepped back from it. He'd done a decent enough job running around, putting out fires, and trying to support the fledgling council, but several of the jobs he'd taken on, not only needed, but deserved to be the full focus of someone's attention. If anyone on the council noticed his absence, they attributed it to him working on a problem they'd assigned him and simply noted how much smoother things had been lately. It was nearly four months after he'd last attended a council meeting that they realized he was gone.

"Is everyone in attendance?" Giles asked, looking around the table.

"Harris is still ducking meetings," Woods noted. "I'll just send him a memo on what we've decided later."

"It's not like he's needed," Kennedy said, bristling as she always did every time Xander's name came up. "Remember last week when Buffy mentioned how much better the armory was at repairing, prepping, and cleaning weapons?"

"Yeah?" Buffy asked.

"Turns out the reason it works so well is because Xander is no longer involved," she said smugly.

Giles sighed and cleaned his glasses. "Xander is no longer involved, because he tracked down a qualified armorer to concentrate on the task. Even with a pair of assistants, it's a fourteen hour per day job, and Xander was right to turn it over to someone who could devote all their time and efforts to it."

"Which would free up a big chunk of his time and explain why our emergency response teams have improved," Willow offered.

"I thought Buffy handled the emergency response teams," Faith said.

Buffy shook her head. "I have a lot on my plate, so I asked Xander to cover it for me."

"So Xander was covering the armory and emergency response teams?" Willow asked.

"Until he found someone more qualified and hired them to run the armory," Giles agreed. "Oh, and he also put Sharon Landry in charge of the emergency response teams."

"Sharon Landry?" Woods asked.

"Former fire fighter and ambulance driver from Northern Ireland," Giles explained. "She's in her mid-fifties and a bit old, even for a slayer, to be on the front lines, but has had a lot of experience as you can well imagine."

"So what does he do then?" Kennedy demanded, looking for some reason to complain about him.

"I assigned him to check the integrity and security of all our offices and safe houses," Woods admitted.

"That would be a continual duty, as once you finish the rounds, it's time to start over again," Giles pointed out.

"He had experience and time," Woods defended himself.

"Sure, he was only responsible for emergencies and weapons," Willow said sarcastically.

"He sub-contracted that to a very reputable firm that also handles spraying for vermin and landscaping for us as well," Giles said as he checked his notes.

"So he did that in addition to weapons and emergencies?" Willow asked.

"I pawned off settling the new slayers in on him," Faith added.

"He was in charge of the kitchens until he got Andrew involved," Buffy recalled.

"Building maintenance and slayer repair," Willow added, as new slayers tended to break a lot of things until they adjusted to their enhanced strength.

"Phones," Kennedy added. "We needed someone to hire receptionists and take messages."

"I had him handling the personnel files, when I didn't have him out on purchasing expeditions," Giles said truthfully.

"I handle the personnel files now," Willow said. "Xander said you wanted the best person working on it, so he gave it to me, along with two secretaries who handle the day-to-day details."

"And he asked me to lend my shopping expertise," Buffy offered. "I have a clothes and shoe allowance, based on how well I do."

"I was wondering how we came in a quarter under budget when normally we run things in the red," Giles admitted.

"Easy peasy," Buffy said smugly. "I was born to shop."

"So Xander had, what? Half a dozen full time jobs here?" Willow asked.

"Before finding who could best do them," Giles agreed.

"So what does he do now?" Kennedy asked, wondering where he was, and telling herself it was just to make sure he wasn't sponging off the Council.

"Let me check his file," Willow said, pulling out her laptop and logging on to the system. It only took her a minute to find and access his file.

Seeing Willow pale, Buffy exploded, "What's wrong?!"

"He-he doesn't work here anymore," Willow said quietly. "He has an insane list of job assignments starting out, but they are slowly pared down until three months ago, when he unloaded the last three. He left three months ago and we never noticed!"

"Then who's doing all the job orders I slip in his mailbox?" Woods asked.

Willow hit a few keys. "We have a four man crew assigned to handle all X-jobs on a 24 hour rotating basis."

"I - I just thought he was busy," Buffy said, turning wide eyes to Giles. "It's only lately we haven't been swamped with work."

"It's been three months, so obviously he's not needed," Kennedy said, forcing a smile.

"Because he set it up that way," Giles said softly.

"Where is he now?" Buffy asked.

"I don't know," Willow admitted. "But I'll find out," she swore. But despite her best efforts, another two years passed before she even got a hint of where he was.

**Always a King**

"I don't see why we had to get her," Kennedy complained as they entered the small town police station.

"Because Buffy isn't the most diplomatic person in the world," Willow replied. "Hence this situation."

The police station was small: a couple of desks, a front counter, and a handful of cells. From the looks of things, if their single prisoner wanted to use the restroom, they had to let her out of her cell to do so.

"How may I service you?" the blond haired officer asked with a slight leer as he leaned on the counter.

"I'm gay," Willow said, quickly shooting him down.

"Sure you are," he replied with a smirk.

"What, people can't be gay now?" Kennedy demanded, ready to fight any small town bigotry she encountered.

Officer P. Johnson, according to his badge, chuckled. "Masters and Johnson proved there was no such thing as black and white when it came to sex, it's all shades of grey."

An identical officer, whose badge also read P. Johnson, looked up from the crossword he was doing. "Just tell him you're in a committed relationship. It's one of the few things he'll accept."

"I'm not that bad."

"Yes, you are," his twin disagreed.

"We're here to pick up Buffy Summers," Willow said, trying to get things back on track.

Buffy waved from her cell, leaning against the bars.

"You'll have to wait 'til the sheriff gets back from lunch," the officer at the counter said. "Shouldn't be more than a half hour. How will we pass the time?" He waggled his eyebrows.

"She's in a committed relationship with me," Kennedy said, grabbing Willow's hand.

The officer actually pouted.

"Can we see Buffy?" Willow requested.

"She's just right there," he said, frowning in confusion.

"I mean, can we talk to her?" Willow asked.

"Sure," Johnson agreed, flinging up a section of counter so they could enter.

"Just don't attack me," the other Johnson warned as they entered.

"Why would we - you're a doppelganger!" Willow accused.

Kennedy moved in front of her and Buffy yelled out, "Don't!"

"Why?" Willow asked as Kennedy froze, seeing both officers were ready to draw their weapons.

"Because he's the best undercover officer I have," came a feminine voice from the front entrance.

Willow turned and saw a tall brunette with a tan that said she spent most of her time outdoors and the casual predatory stance that all but screamed what she was. "You're a slayer!" Willow accused.

"I'm also the sheriff," the woman added.

"And why do you, a slayer, have a doppelganger and his victim on your police force?" Willow demanded. "And... how?"

"Because Xeroc is a prude," Johnson said.

"I was summoned by one of his exes," the demon admitted. "However, if I killed him I would be forced to receive a plethora of personal quirks I just don't agree with."

"Zorro is a complete horndog and Xeroc is a prude," the sheriff summed up.

"I read the situation wrong," Buffy admitted, "so I got arrested for assaulting an officer."

"Oh," Willow relaxed and Kennedy put down her fists.

"How did you end up as sheriff, miss?" Willow asked curiously.

"Sharon Colbert," the sheriff offered. "Call me Colbert, or ma'am while I'm on duty."

"She beheaded the last sheriff in the middle of a debate as they both ran for the office," Johnson explained. "It was awesome! Right in the middle of an argument over how to handle gang violence, she cut off his head."

"It was a Teslocil," Colbert added.

"Teslocil?" Kennedy asked.

"Very hard to kill unless you get them angry and they feed off negative emotions," Willow explained. "Wouldn't the stored energy have shot out of his neck like lightning?" she asked.

Johnson laughed so hard he had to sit down and his demonic doppelganger grinned. "Right in the middle of town hall," the demon agreed.

"What did you do?" Kennedy asked, wondering how she could cover that up.

"What could I do?" the sheriff shrugged.

"She said, 'There can be only one' and asked if there were any other challengers," Johnson said. "They elected her sheriff on the spot and she's been stuck here ever since."

"Two years is hardly forever," Colbert replied. "But Xander-"

"Xander?!" Buffy and Willow squealed.

"You know Xander?" Colbert asked curiously.

"We've been looking for him," Willow agreed. "He quit the council and vanished a couple of years ago."

"He helped me when I was starting out, showed me the ropes," the sheriff said with a smile and a fond look in her eyes.

"I doubt he was that helpful," Kennedy muttered.

Colbert ignored her. "Getting elected sheriff gave me some roots here, so I settled down while Xander moved on to help other slayers."

"Why didn't you contact the Council?" Buffy asked.

"Why would I?" Colbert asked. "I'm doing fine, and if I need help I'll just call the Sisters."

"The Sisters?" Willow asked.

"You thought I was the only slayer in the US?" Colbert asked.

"Well, no," Buffy said, "but I thought the local slayers would at least mention you to us for recruitment."

"Most of our slayers are on the coasts," Willow admitted. "We have a few scattered slayers in the Midwest, but they are few and far between."

"None of the Sisters are Council slayers, as far as I know," Colbert said while unlocking Buffy's cell.

"How many slayers do you know?" Willow asked.

"I've met about a dozen, half through work and half through the Sisters," Colbert said thoughtfully. "Being a sheriff has allowed me to locate and help a few newbies."

"And you didn't refer them to the Council," Buffy guessed.

"Nope," Colbert agreed. "I held off on filing any charges against you, Miss Summers, because you're a sister slayer and misunderstandings occur. I'm going to release you to Miss Rosenberg, but please try to verify that who you are attacking is a valid target first, next time; and I'd suggest checking with the local sister who's territory you're in before doing any hunting."

"It was instinctive," Buffy admitted. "See, feel, attack. How do I contact the local sisters to avoid that in the future?"

"There is a website 'sisterslayers dot com', which should handle all your questions," she assured her.

"And where can I find Xander?" Willow asked as the sheriff walked them out.

"Winter isn't far off," Colbert noted. "He'll probably be heading north. We never see him during the winter. Check with the Sisters and they can probably give you his cell number."

"The way you were talking, I'm surprised you don't have it," Kennedy said.

"My boyfriend gets jealous enough without me having The First Knight on speed dial," she said with a smirk. "Have a nice day."

The three stared at the closed door.

"Willow -" Buffy began.

"I need my laptop," Willow agreed.

"Is he building his own council?" Kennedy demanded.

**Typing by: Ordieth!**

AN: Opps, I accidentally created an American Midwest based council.


	2. Chapter 2

**First Knight 2**

"What have you found out?" Buffy asked, as she joined Willow and Kennedy in their motel room, bearing coffee and doughnuts.

"The Sisters' website is amazing," Willow said. "There are spells layered into the software that react according to who you are and what you're looking for."

"Is that good or bad?" Buffy asked.

"Good, very good," Willow assured her. "Depending on the reason and the urgency, the site directs you to completely different sections."

"Or redirects you to lesbian porn," Kennedy said dryly.

"What?" Buffy asked.

Willow looked over at Kennedy. "You read as having hostile intent, so it sends you to somewhere distracting."

"What is-" Buffy began, but she was talking to the door as Kennedy had already left.

"What is her problem with Xander?" she asked Willow. "At first I thought it was jealousy, but it's gone way beyond that."

"I don't know," Willow admitted. "She refuses to talk about it."

"And you had to bring her along, why?" Buffy asked.

"She's my girlfriend," Willow reminded her.

"I know, I just don't want to find Xander only to have her drive him off again," Buffy explained. "I mean, I have enough trouble keeping my own foot out of my mouth."

"You don't have to worry about that, Xander actually likes her bitching," Willow replied.

"Really?"

Willow nodded. "He said she's like a mini lesbian Cordelia."

"Huh," Buffy said thoughtfully. "I can see that."

"Really?" Willow asked, her brow wrinkling in thought.

"Rich, brunette, bitchy," Buffy listed off. "She's shorter and less busty, but the resemblance is there if I squint and just listen for the venom."

"The parts of her she lets me see are very different than the parts you guys see," Willow said.

The two sat silently for a minute and then sighed.

"If Xander was here, he'd have said something right there," Buffy said, pointing out what they were both thinking.

"Back to the search," Willow said resolutely. "The website had contacts all across the continent, and not just for Slayers. They have listings for research, legal, and financial help. They aren't just helping with the slaying, they're helping with everything."

"Did Xander set up an American Council?" Buffy asked.

"I'm not sure," Willow replied. "I'm not seeing much in the way of an organization, at least not a formal one."

"Didn't the sheriff mention territories?" Buffy asked.

"Yes, but I don't think that they're assigned. The sister in charge of an area usually writes a page or two on the area and how to contact her, but if I'm reading this right, they just claim areas."

"Claim areas?" Buffy asked.

"Some talk about finding a place and deciding to settle down, so I'm guessing they just claim areas for themselves. I've also got sisters that are listed as migrating, having regular routes, and even a couple that are following bands on tour," Willow explained.

"Why haven't we heard anything about this before?" Buffy asked.

"I don't know, but it might have something to do with the fact that they have Council patrolled areas marked in red with warnings to make their presence known in advance to the Council teams to avoid friendly fire incidents and several sisters have written about negative experiences with them."

"I haven't heard about any independent Slayers coming forward." Buffy said. "Do we have any reports on it?"

"Let me cross-reference them," Willow said, returning her attention to her laptop and typing away.

"Found em," Willow said a few minutes later. "It looks like since the sisters didn't introduce themselves as Slayers the local teams followed standard procedure and dismissed them as unqualified amateurs and encouraged them to leave things to the professionals."

Buffy groaned.

"Apparently, being conceited pricks is standard procedure now," Willow said. "There is a reference to a rule with your name on it."

Buffy pinched the bridge of her nose. "Please tell me it's not the rule I got passed to discourage civilian involvement."

"Sorry," Willow replied. "Anyone not registered as a Watcher or a Slayer is to be actively discouraged from pursuing and dispatching supernatural threats," she read.

"I just wanted to keep casualties down," Buffy groaned.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Xander turned up the heater in his Range Rover as he drove through the long and winding mountain pass. There were no other cars on the road, but that was to be expected. It was the off season, and it was only a matter of days until the snow closed the pass until spring. He'd have the place all to himself for the winter, just him and any personal demons he'd brought with him.

Still, for a Winter Solstice Hellgate, the Overlook Hotel was a luxurious one.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"Let's see what the website shows me," Buffy said, needing a distraction.

"Sure," Willow agreed, passing Buffy her laptop.

"And I get...Slaybook?!" Buffy asked in surprise.

Willow leaned over Buffy's shoulder. "It says you need to register."

Buffy started typing. "Mark Zuckerberg is so going to sue them. Hey, they have their own version of Farmville, Slayville!"

"Those point and click Flash games are so addictive!"

"Your Slayville is based on your kill count, and to give and get gifts you actually have to go and assist other slayers. Hey, it won't let me click on the number of zombies I've killed!" Buffy complained.

"That's because you haven't killed any this season, and they have truth spells to keep things honest," Willow said after examining it.

"I have two friend requests already," Buffy said happily, seeing the blinking icon. "The first one is the Sheriff."

"The interactive spells they have on this are amazing," Willow said. "I have got to meet the inventor!"

"And, the other is...Xander!" Buffy exclaimed.

The two quickly became engrossed in Xander's Slaybook page and saw the huge list of friends he had and pictures he was tagged in across the U.S..

"Look at the size of that Slayville," Buffy said with a whistle. "The number of assists he has for this season is insane!"

"It has his Winter address!" Willow said excitedly.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Entering the lobby, he shed his overcoat and galoshes just before a long-haired brunette wrapped her arms around him and attempted to remove his tonsils. It actually took him a minute before he remembered to pry himself loose. "Whoa! Going a bit heavy on the temptation right out of the gate, I see. Why, Dawn?"

The long-haired brunette who was just dressed in a short white T-shirt and green T-backed panties grinned. "Are you claiming you don't find Dawn Summers attractive?"

"No, I'm just wondering why you chose her form," Xander replied carefully.

"I needed someone you find attractive, inspires lust, and a bit of guilt for manipulation purposes. I seem to have copied her too well, or the whole Key thing is causing resonance, because I find myself strongly influenced by her."

A white mist seeped up through the floor and coalesced into an identical brunette, this one dressed in a dress from the nineteen twenties however. "Don't listen to her! I'm the real spirit, she's just some human that wandered in!"

"Yes, just pretend I'm the real thing," the first Dawn agreed with a smirk.

"She is!" the second insisted, stomping her foot angrily.

Xander chuckled. The Hellgate was nothing like a Hellmouth. It had intelligence, but that intelligence wasn't human and it had foiled its own plans before trying to mimic human thought patterns. "This should be an entertaining three months," he said as the Dawns agreed, taking comfort in the fact that no-one was around to see him being tempted by the Hellgate or Dawn, because any excuse he could offer would probably get him killed.

***KNOCK*KNOCK*KNOCK***

Typing by: Lucillia!


	3. Chapter 3

**First Knight 3**

Xander opened the door and was quickly pushed aside by Buffy, Willow, and Kennedy who were not dressed for the heavy snow that was coming down. The girls were practically stripping as they shed their heavy, snow encrusted garments and dug through their bags for their warm, dry clothes. "I think you might've gone a bit overboard on temptations this time," Xander teased the elegantly dressed Dawn as he watched the girls change.

"It's not me," she complained. "I had a nice simple plan to tempt you with awakening psychic powers. These humans are coming out of nowhere."

"Xander!" Buffy and Willow (no longer in danger of freezing to death) called out and tackled him in a hug.

"I teleported us here, then *Poof*, my powers are gone!" Willow babbled. "And, it was cold, and we were freezing!"

"My strength is gone!" Buffy complained at the same time. "It's like when I was drugged by the Council, but worse!"

Xander whistled loudly, shutting everyone up.

"Assuming you three are who you say you are and not just evil clones, why are you here and how did you find me?"

"Evil clones?" Buffy asked.

"I've got two Dawn clones sent to tempt me and I haven't even been here an hour," Xander explained.

The three newcomers turned, and the half-dressed Dawn waved cheerfully while the one dressed in elegant nineteen twenties fashion simply raised an eyebrow.

"I didn't create any of these humans," the well-dressed Dawn assured him. "They are needlessly complicating my plans. I'm going to go mutate a rat into a giant flesh eating monster, you can figure this out on your own." Her form turned into a white mist and dissolved.

"Ok, you three are probably the real thing," Xander conceded. "Solstice wouldn't be so annoyed otherwise."

"Xander, what's going on?" Willow asked.

"This is the Overlook Hotel, which houses a Hellgate tuned to the Winter Solstice, so it's only active three months of the year. Unlike a Hellmouth, it has developed a guiding intelligence. I call her Solstice. I guard the Hellgate while it's active, and she does her best to tempt and corrupt me. Any questions?"

"Why are you here, and not a professional?" Buffy asked before groaning. "Ignore me eating my own foot. What I meant to say was, why you and not a Slayer?"

Xander smiled. "Same old, Buffy. Well, I know you're all the real thing now. Solstice may make mistakes because she doesn't understand humanity, but she doesn't insult people to that degree without meaning to."

"Why can't I feel my magic?" Willow asked, wanting to change the topic before Buffy said something worse.

"Outside sources of power are completely shut out during Winter here," Xander replied.

"They really should leave before they get snowed in for the Winter," Dawn suggested.

"That's not a very good clone," Buffy said. "Dawn doesn't have legs like that, and her breasts aren't that big."

"Since I'm supposed to tempt Xander, that just means I'm more effective," Dawn replied smugly.

"Tempt him into what?" Willow asked.

"Lust!" Dawn said happily. "And...sleeping in, in the mornings, and curling up in front of the fireplace on cold Winter nights drinking cocoa!"

"That's not Hellish, that's Hallmark," Buffy muttered.

"I may have been made a little too accurate," Dawn admitted. "I'm pretty sure the original is affecting me."

"If that was true, I'd expect you to be hitting on someone more manly, like Andrew," Kennedy said jealously.

Xander grinned. "Falling for Andrew's manly charms are we, Ken Doll? Should Willow be worried?" The look of horror and revulsion on Kennedy's face made Xander laugh.

"But seriously, you three need to leave," Dawn said. "Come back in the Spring."

"It's taken us years to find Xander, and we've barely gotten to speak with him," Willow argued.

"Unless you want to be stuck here until February, there isn't really another choice," Dawn explained. "Besides, you'll cramp my style."

"Cramp your style!" Buffy exclaimed.

"I have all of Dawn's memories, and you are the world's biggest cockblock, always getting in the way when she wanted to spend time with Xander," Dawn said bluntly.

"I am not!"

"Fifteenth birthday party, I kept trying to get him to myself, so I could ask for a birthday kiss, but you kept getting in the way!"

"He was seeing Anya," Buffy defended herself.

"I didn't want oral sex!" Dawn stopped and thought for a moment. "Ok, I did want oral sex, but all I was going for was a kiss."

"You're over twenty-one, she can't exactly pull the same thing again," Willow offered, playing mediator.

"And, you aren't Dawn," Buffy reminded her. "Though Xander shouldn't sleep with clones of Dawn either."

"Her entire purpose in life is to keep you from having sex!" Dawn told Xander, burying her face in his chest. "Throw the bitch out!"

Xander sighed and stroked Dawn's back to calm her down. "Buffy, you really need to do a better job running your own life before you try to run everyone else's."

"Evil clone," Buffy reminded everyone.

"The phones still work, right?" Dawn asked.

"Probably," Xander replied. "They usually don't go down for another week, when the snow and ice buildup takes out the lines."

"Good, I'm calling Dawn," Dawn said, reluctantly letting Xander go and marching to the front desk.

"I'm not trying to keep you from having sex," Buffy told Xander. "Or insult you, or half a dozen other things that I seem to do without meaning to… over and over. I think I'll just shut up now."

An unearthly howl split the air, causing the Slayers to scramble for weapons which they hadn't brought, beyond a few stakes and crosses.

"What was that?!" Willow demanded, cursing her lack of magic. She hadn't felt this vulnerable in a long time.

"Giant mutated flesh-eating rat," Xander replied, unconcerned.

"Which Solstice said she was going to make," Willow said in understanding. "Why aren't you worried?"

"I have been handling this for a while now," Xander said blandly.

"Where do you keep the weapons?" Buffy asked, realizing she might need something other than her standard vamp slaying kit.

"I'm the caretaker here Buff," Xander told her. "I'll take care of it."

Dawn returned and plastered herself to Xander.

"So, what did Dawn say?" Xander asked.

"That you owe her that kiss from when we were fifteen, and that the interest on it compounds quarterly," Dawn replied. "Oh, and to throw the bitch out!"

Willow tried not to laugh, but couldn't help herself.

"Willow!" Buffy complained.

The unearthly howl sounded again, closer this time.

"Relax, she always makes giant mutated flesh-eating rats when she's upset," Xander said.

"You have a strange concept of what relaxes people," Buffy told him.

**Typing by: Lucillia!**


	4. Chapter 4

**First Knight 4**

"It's a Rodent of unusual size, but we aren't in the fire swamp," Xander told Buffy.

"And you aren't Buttercup," Dawn added.

Xander chuckled.

"What do the Powerpuff girls have to do with anything?" Buffy asked.

Dawn and Xander burst out laughing.

"I never made you watch the Princess Bride?" Willow asked.

"We haven't had a movie night in forever," Buffy replied, "and when we did, they kept on getting interrupted."

"Being the blonde of the trio, Buffy would be Bubbles," Dawn pointed out. "Blossom was the redhead, like Willow. That leaves you as Buttercup."

Xander stuck his tongue out at Dawn. "Giles just didn't have the legs for the mini-dress."

The loud and unnatural wavering cry of the creature sounded once more, a lot closer than it had been.

"But seriously, where are the weapons?" Buffy asked.

Xander walked over to the fireplace and grabbed the fireplace poker. "It's a rat, don't be so melodramatic."

"Giant, mutated, flesh-eating-" Willow listed out only to be interrupted by a loud snarl as the creature rushed in from the hall.

It had patchy grey fur and hard, leathery skin, but the large red eyes and mouth full of razor sharp teeth were what really drew attention. As it rose up on its hind legs and launched itself at Xander it almost looked bipedal, like a branch of the rodent family tree that was rejected because of rot and decay.

Xander's swing caught it in the chest. The snapping ribs were clearly audible as it was thrown back, the iron hook on the poker tearing into it and sending a glittering spray of crimson into the air. Its growl was wet and filled with the horrid burble of a partially collapsed lung filling with blood, but it didn't slow it in the slightest as it attacked once more. It wasn't a fight, it was butchery, as Xander methodically took the three foot tall, sixty-five pound mass of muscle, tooth, and claw apart with the poker, shattering bones and tearing flesh with a bored look on his face and a complete disregard for blood splatter.

"Oh Goddess, I think I'm going to be sick," Willow hyperventilated as Xander wiped blood off his face.

"Do you know how much you look like a serial killer right now?" Kennedy asked, looking worried.

Xander shrugged and returned the bloodstained poker to its place. "The first time is disturbing, but the fourteenth time is just dull."

"I thought it was supposed to be giant," Buffy said.

A duplicate of Willow appeared wearing clothes, jewelry and makeup that marked her as Solstice. "The average rat is only six to eight inches, three feet is a significant increase."

"I am going to go clean the blood off," Xander announced. "Don't leave the lobby until I get back."

"I'll go with you so you don't leave bloody handprints on everything," Dawn volunteered, walking around the pool of blood surrounding the dead creature.

"It's really not that big a problem," Xander said.

"Don't care," Dawn said heading for the elevator "I'm going to help."

"OK," he agreed, following her to the elevator.

"Violence and terror," Solstice said as the elevator doors closed, "few things are quite as satisfying." She hummed happily and the sound of an orchestra playing joined her as she danced, tracking blood everywhere.

"I'm disturbed, is anyone else disturbed?" Willow babbled.

"At least she's not barefoot," Buffy offered.

"Barefoot?" Solstice questioned.

"Don't give her ideas," Willow groaned.

Solstice kicked off her shoes (a very attractive retro pair of black pumps, Buffy noted), which faded into nothing a foot from her, and stepped barefoot in the blood. "It's squishy."

"Sorry," Buffy apologized to Willow.

"Is it wrong-" Kennedy began then stopped. "Nevermind."

"This is quite nice, very visceral," Solstice said.

*****0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

***Ring*Ring***

"Hello?" Dawn answered.

"Did you get a call from an evil clone of you and tell her to tell Xander to kick me out?" Buffy demanded.

"Why, hello Buffy, it's good to hear your voice too. I'm fine, and how are you?" Dawn replied with false cheer.

"Hello, Dawn," Buffy said with a sigh. "I'd love to make small talk, but we have a bit of a situation here."

"Oh no!" Dawn said dramatically. "Is it life or death? Or worse, *GASP!* … is Xander going to have sex?!"

Buffy groaned. "Dawn…do you actually want him to have sex with an evil clone of you?"

"It'll be good practice for him," Dawn replied. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm doing inventory on the Council's records and redoing the inventory for everything from Sunnydale. Someone did a real sloppy job, not even naming them properly."

Buffy winced. "We were rushed at the time."

"Well, I have to redo them all, so I'll talk to you later! Bye!" Dawn hung up the phone. Scratching her back with the Ferrula Gemini, she sighed and got back to work.

*****0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"Wait a second," Buffy said, "Good practice?"

**Typing by: Elrod Albino!**


	5. Chapter 5

**First Knight - 5**

"So, how'd you hook up with Solstice?" Dawn asked, as she opened the door to Xander's room so he wouldn't get blood on the handle.

"I met her while investigating the deaths of the previous... god knows how many, caretakers," Xander replied. "You see, this hellgate doesn't open to a bunch of hells like a normal hellgate, it opens to worlds so alien that demons avoid them."

"What does that have to do with dead caretakers?" Dawn asked.

Xander took off his shirt and used it to wipe off the blood he was splattered with. "It means all the people she empowers go insane and kill themselves and everyone else in the area."

"That puts a damper on any plans of getting them to open the hellgate," Dawn said, shaking her head.

"I'm not even sure she wants to open it," Xander replied. "We're so different from one another that I can't begin to guess at her thought processes. So far, she seems pretty content to tempt me and occasionally have me kill giant rodents, making as big a mess as possible."

"Maybe she just loves watching you clean," Dawn suggested.

Xander kicked off his shoes and walked into the other room to start the shower. "The hotel absorbs the blood," he said, speaking over the water. "By the time I'm out of the shower, the rat will be so dried out I can use it as kindling."

"That's why you weren't worried about leaving blood everywhere," Dawn said, moving to the doorway of the bathroom and watching Xander strip to his boxers while waiting for the water to heat.

"Yep," Xander replied easily. "Let me shower real quick and then you can tempt me over lunch."

"I could scrub your back," Dawn offered.

"In a rush?" Xander asked.

"No, but I thought I'd have more time alone with you," she admitted with a sigh.

"I'm sure we'll find plenty of time in the next couple of months," Xander promised. "And you may want to put on more clothes."

"But I like the fact that you can't stop yourself from looking at me and you can't pretend I'm still the young girl you met as a teen," she replied, slowly turning around knowing he really couldn't stop himself from looking.

"And how does that apply less when you're fully dressed?" Xander asked.

"And you still know just what to say," she said, blushing. "I'll wait for you in your room and then we can get my luggage. I left it behind the front desk."

"OK. Off with you so I can shower."

"Fair warning, one day soon I will install a waterproof camera in your shower and then I will watch you shower on the big screen in the lobby."

Xander laughed and shooed her out.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Buffy glared at the phone. There was an evil clone of her sister wanting to do god knows what to Xander and no one else seemed to care! Just a quick mental inventory showed several incidents involving evil doppelgangers, Xander having sex, and ... and other stuff all ending badly!

"Are you alright?" Willow asked the fuming slayer.

"I'll be fine," Buffy replied, coming to a decision. "I'm just going to kill an evil clone before anyone gets any ideas."

"Erm, have fun?" Willow offered as Buffy stormed off.

Buffy followed Xander's blood stained foot prints to the elevator, thankful he'd left such easy to follow trail as she pushed the bloody button for the third floor. She rechecked her weapons as the elevator doors closed. The cross was probably useless, as was the holy water, but a stake in the heart should kill the doppelganger just fine. She found a stake in the heart killed most things.

Getting off on the third floor she was relieved to see that, though a bit fainter, his blood stained footsteps were still easy enough to follow and he was kind enough to have left some blood on the door knob, which made finding the right room child's play, even if he hadn't forgotten to close the door all the way. She readjusted her grip on the stake and reminded herself it wasn't her sister, just a demon with her appearance. Mentally braced to kill the demon, she slowly pushed the door open just wide enough to slip inside.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"We should help her," Kennedy suggested. "She may have been a kick ass as a slayer, but she's powerless at the moment."

"You're right," Willow agreed. "I'm a little distracted trying to figure out how to regain my power, or I'd have remembered that."

"Stake and cross," Kennedy said, handing extras to Willow.

"We better hurry," Willow said as they heard the elevator return to the lobby.

"Which floor?" Kennedy asked.

"Fifth," Willow said, pointing to the bloody fingerprint on the elevator panel.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Xander heard a thump from the room, but ignored it. Solstice found it amusing to interrupt Xander's showers using just auditory illusions, to see how little effort she could put into it. Plus, Dawn had pulled something similar while he was watching her for Joyce, which probably meant the monks thought it up and it never actually occurred.

He really wondered about those monks sometimes.

After a couple more thumps Xander decided to cut his shower short, just in case Dawn was in trouble; he'd gotten all the blood off anyway. Quickly drying off, he pulled on his boxers and opened the door to his room and stared in shock with his mouth open.

Dawn had Buffy pinned underneath her and was smacking her in the face with her own hands, saying, "Why're you hitting yourself? Why're you hitting yourself?"

"Dawn, stop torturing your sister," Xander said, trying not to laugh.

"The crazy bitch tried to stake me!" Dawn complained, getting off Buffy but keeping an eye on her.

"She's a demon!" Buffy exclaimed, quickly getting to her feet.

"No, she's your sister," Xander said, figuring the joke had gone on long enough.

"An evil clone of my sister!" Buffy snapped out, looking for where her stake went.

"No, she is half of your sister, having used the feral Gummy Bear, or whatever it was called, to split herself in two so she could sneak off without anyone noticing," Xander explained.

"How'd you know?!" Dawn asked wide eyed.

"It wasn't that hard to figure out," Xander told her. "Plus, I do have someone keeping an eye out for you guys and I got an email with your travel itinerary a month ago."

"What?!" Buffy grabbed her sister in a hug and started crying and apologizing, horrified at what she'd almost done.

"Help!" Dawn squeaked out as her sister squeezed her.

"Give her a minute, she'll recover," Xander promised.

Sure enough, almost a minute later Buffy released Dawn who fell to her knees gasping for breath. "What were you doing with my half-dressed sister?" Buffy demanded.

"Getting seduced," Xander said cheerfully, walking over to the door and grabbing a robe from the back of it.

Buffy fell silent, not sure how to reply to that.

"Let's go get our luggage," Xander told Dawn while retrieving his car keys. "I could use some clothes that aren't covered in blood."

"Show me around?" Dawn asked.

"Once we have pants," Xander agreed.

The pair walked to the elevator with Buffy following, still not sure what she should be feeling. Once they got to the lobby, they could all see the lobby looked spotless, if you ignored the desiccated remains of a three foot tall rodent.

Buffy gasped as she caught sight of Willow and Kennedy who were sitting on the couch looking traumatized and completely soaked in blood from head to toe.

"You went up to the fifth floor, didn't you?" Xander asked, amused.

**Typing by: Ordieth!**


	6. Chapter 6

**First Knight 6**

"Why would going to the fifth floor get them coated in blood?" Buffy demanded, searching them for wounds.

"Solstice does the whole, 'river of blood' thing from the elevator," Xander explained, noticing that Solstice had been nice enough to bring in his luggage. "It's really impressive, but also really messy."

"Willow, say something!" Buffy begged.

"Frogs are no longer my number one fear," Willow said numbly.

"Seriously, Frogs?" Solstice asked Xander, appearing as twin, five year old Willows, dressed in clothes from the nineteen twenties and speaking in chorus.

"She's always been scared of frogs," Xander replied. "I've never understood why, though that's never stopped me from teasing her with them."

One of the little Willow twins kicked Xander in the shin and vanished while the other held out her arms to be picked up. Xander picked up the tiny avatar, treating her like she was the small child she appeared to be.

"And what's your damage?" Dawn asked Kennedy.

"You have no idea how freaky that was," Kennedy replied, glancing at Xander and quickly looking away.

"No swimming?" the child Willow asked sadly.

"I brought my swimsuit and boogie board," Xander promised poking the end of her nose and making her giggle just before she turned to smoke and dispersed.

"Boogie board?" Buffy asked while Dawn retrieved her luggage from behind the counter and put on a skirt.

"Body surfing on the fifth floor," Xander replied, taking the chance to get some clothes from his luggage and dress.

"You go body surfing on a river of blood?" Buffy asked in horror.

"Don't knock it till you've tried it," Xander told her.

"Does she take the form of a child a lot?" Dawn asked.

"Just sometimes," Xander told Dawn, giving her an appreciative look for how she was dressed. "She tried the twin girls and river of blood thing on me, but you know me, I scooped up the girls to keep them from drowning and somehow that evolved into me taking Solstice body surfing over time."

"Is there somewhere safe I can take these two to wash off all this blood?" Buffy asked.

"Why don't you two shower and then we'll get some dinner?" Xander suggested.

"You'll come with us, right?" Willow asked, not wanting to chance another river of blood.

"I don't do communal showers," Xander said, wondering why everyone wanted to shower with him today.

"I don't feel like bathing in blood again," Kennedy said with a shiver.

"Solstice doesn't use the river of blood on the ground floor," Xander explained. "I'll get you a safe room, just don't wander off on your own."

"I won't!" Willow swore.

"I'm feeling a bit too lazy to cook for half a dozen people, so I'm thinking we'll crash the New Year's Eve ball in nineteen-twenty-eight," Xander replied, handing a key to Kennedy who lead Willow off.

"That sentence made no sense," Buffy said.

"Time and space are twisted about like a pretzel here," Xander explained. "Everything that has happened her is happening right now, if you know which direction to walk."

"Why nineteen-twenty-eight?" Dawn asked, her brow furrowed, and head tilted to the side in curiosity.

"The food is good, the Maitre-D bribable, and everyone there dies of poison, making it easy to find our way back since we won't affect the timeline in any significant manner," he said with a shrug.

"That's horrible!" Buffy said.

"Is it?" Xander asked curiously. "I admit I've become a bit inured to it, since I've been through it so many times and it happened over seventy years ago."

"Are we going to see multiples of you there?" Dawn asked trying to wrap her head around it.

"No, I never follow the same track twice, not sure I could, I just walk to the first time I'm there, which is never and always the same," Xander said.

"Can't you save them?" Buffy demanded.

"If you save them, you can't find the path back," Xander explained. "We aren't from where we saved them in the past, that's a completely different place."

"And if we saved them they would still be poisoned and dying elsewhere," Dawn guessed.

"Exactly," Xander agreed.

"And the version of us that saves them is already doing that, so all we'd do is shove them into a world that isn't theirs', while stealing their place," Dawn said hoping she was figuring causality loops correctly.

"So they are being saved elsewhere, and the only thing we'd accomplish by trying to save them is to screw ourselves and another version of ourselves?" Buffy asked slowly.

"Yep," Xander agreed. "I was lucky to run into another version of myself who had interfered repeatedly. He explained everything to me, to avoid me becoming him."

"Xander, my brain is trying to crawl out through my ear, please stop explaining things," Buffy begged.

Xander laughed and gave Buffy a hug. "Fine, just do what I say and you'll be alright."

"What's the menu and do we have to dress up?" Dawn asked, drawing Xander's attention back to herself by placing her hand on his arm.

Xander released Buffy and turned to Dawn. "If you want to go dancing we'd have to dress the part, but there are much better years for dancing, so no, the Maitre-D will simply put us in a dimly lit corner near the kitchen since we aren't dressed properly. The menu is steak and lobster, but we're having the steak because the lobster is poisoned."

"Good steak?" Buffy asked.

"Great steak," Xander said. "It's from a time before additives, hormones, and chemically manipulated ingredients."

Buffy wiped her chin. "I'm drooling, I know."

"It's worth drooling over," Xander assured her. "This is also from a time before portion control, so the steaks are huge!" The girls smiled and a couple of minutes were spent in companionable silence.

"You spend three months a year in a place so alien demons would go mad and the other nine traveling the U.S. helping slayers," Buffy said with a sigh. "How do you cope?"

"Cope?" Xander asked, his face scrunched up in confusion.

Dawn giggled.

"What's so funny?" Buffy asked.

"You," Dawn said, shaking her head. "All this time and you still don't get him."

"What?" Buffy asked.

"You guys have lost me," Xander admitted his confusion at the turn in conversation.

"Xander, would you change anything about your life?" Dawn asked.

"I wouldn't mind seeing more of my friends," Xander admitted.

"But other than that?" Dawn asked.

"Nah, it's great!" Xander said cheerfully. "I get to spend most of the year helping people and then for a variable amount of time I get to relax and play with Solstice."

"What about the possible death and dismemberment?" Buffy demanded, still unable to see that anyone would choose this.

"Feels like home," Xander said with a shrug.

**Typing by: Stephenopolos**


	7. Chapter 7

**First Knight 7**

"And they say people from L.A. are crazy," Buffy said with a groan.

"They are," Xander agreed, "otherwise they'd have outlawed cars and put in moving sidewalks like Futurama or maybe copied Italy and put in canals. The pollution and traffic are insane!"

"A bit," Buffy admitted. "But you get used to it."

"In the middle ages people often didn't travel more than fifty miles from where they were born, but it wasn't because they died of old age before traffic moved that far," Xander said.

"That's a slight exaggeration," Buffy said. "Besides we had the best shoe stores of anywhere, and that's worth putting up with a little inconvenience. Right, Dawn?"

Dawn shrugged. "I think I left my shoe appreciation genes in my other body. "

"Oh yeah," Buffy said, "forgot this happens when you split yourself in two. How did you get the feral twin rod to work anyway? Giles said it was really complicated."

"I studied it a lot when I was younger," Dawn said. "I remember seeing two Xanders and thinking I wouldn't mind them watching me while you were off patrolling. One of the Xanders could keep Anya occupied while I had the other Xander all to myself."

"I wonder how things would have turned out if we'd been stuck with two Xanders for a longer period of time," Buffy said thoughtfully. "You helped me a lot, even if I didn't always show it," she told Xander.

"And then I thought, what if Anya got called away and I had both Xanders to myself, just me, them, and a king size bed with silk sheets," Dawn said with a grin. "And then I'd go take a hot bath because Buffy made a habit of walking into my room without knocking."

"Did you perhaps leave your sense of subtlety behind?" Buffy asked. "And I didn't always walk in without knocking, you just got so distracted you didn't hear me and it was hard to find a time when you weren't 'busy' as a teen."

"Splitting is complicated," Dawn said. "I figured I wouldn't need a lot of subtlety and I also left some of my self-consciousness, fears, and restraint behind, if I did it right."

"What? Why?" Buffy demanded.

"Xander, much as I love him, doesn't get subtlety and my fears and restraint always held me from being blunt enough for him to notice," Dawn explained.

Buffy laughed so hard she fell down.

"What?" Dawn asked.

"You weren't subtle," Xander said with a grin. "What you were was underage and I was seeing someone."

"I thought I was being subtle," Dawn said with a shrug.

"Asking me to tuck you in is not subtle," Xander assured her. "Especially with all the Freudian slips you made."

Buffy laughed even harder.

"Those weren't slips, that was my attempt at subliminal programming," Dawn said.

"Can you pass the Xander please Anya?" Buffy quoted before saying, "Oops I meant sausage. It's rude to bogart all of it, I read that in a history book about your people." Buffy fell limply to the floor. "My sides hurt."

Dawn shrugged. "I didn't have anyone to help me. You were going through the whole 'woe is me' phase. Mom was gone and she told me I needed to be at least sixteen before I could date Xander. Willow was still pretending that, since she liked girls now, boys were icky and Tara never knew guys were capable of saying no. Anya gave me some good advice, but she was the only one."

"I wouldn't put it like that," Willow said as she and Kennedy returned looking a lot better now that they weren't covered in blood.

"That was fast," Buffy said getting up off the floor.

"Fast?" Kennedy asked. "We spent nearly an hour in the shower. My fingers are prunes, see?" She held out her hands for examination.

"Time isn't consistent here," Xander told them. "I figured you two would appreciate a little private time after being upset, so I put you in a cold room."

"Cold room?" Dawn asked.

"Think of time like maple syrup," Xander said.

"Ok," Willow said, trying to envision it.

"Now it moves more sluggishly inside the room I sent you to shower," he explained.

"Wouldn't that mean we'd take longer?" Willow asked.

"Yes, but imagine the temperature in the room is connected to your emotions, for instance fear is cold," he explained.

"Which would slow things even further," Willow said with a frown.

"But other emotions would be hot," Dawn said smirking at the two.

"Oh!" Willow said blushing. "So you just assumed…" she trailed off.

"Assumed correctly," Dawn teased.

"So…what's for dinner?" Kennedy said, trying to change the subject.

"Steak, but it's seventy years ago and everyone but us dies," Buffy said, wanting to tease the pair a bit.

"How big are the portions?" Kennedy asked, not really concerned about the rest, as the group looked amused not worried.

"Big," Xander assured her.

"Is it hard to reach?" Willow asked, figuring it had to do with manipulating time and trusting Xander to explain as they went.

"Nah, just a bit complicated," he said.

"Ok, let's go I'm hungry," Kennedy said.

"Lead on," Willow said.

"No questions?" Buffy demanded.

"Food first, questions later," Kennedy said.

"Everyone on the elevator," Xander said leading them down the hall. "We have to go up and down in a specific order, but all you guys have to do is stay quiet during it."

"What happens if we talk?" Buffy said curiously.

"We have to start all over," Xander said. "Well, that and fight a Faceless Horror to the death."

"I think we can all be quiet for the length of an elevator ride," Willow said.

"Ok, everyone stay at the back of the elevator and don't touch the buttons," Xander said hitting the door open button.

Getting on the elevator, they moved to the back and Xander pressed the button for the fourth floor. Once they reached the fourth floor he pushed the button for the second. At the second floor he pushed the button for the sixth. Once they reached the sixth floor he pushed the button for the second. As they reached the second floor, for the second time, he pushed the tenth button which raised some eyebrows as the hotel didn't have that many floors, but the women kept quiet used to unusual events.

The elevator stopped at the fifth floor and a well-dressed businesswoman got on. The doors closed and Xander pressed the button for the first floor.

"I thought we were the only ones here?" Buffy asked.

The businesswoman spun around and the long black hair that was covering her face slid away, revealing a mouth full of fangs and a completely featureless face above it. Wings burst from her back and she screeched like a banshee.

**Five minutes later…**

The elevator opened onto the first floor and everyone got off looking a bit worse for wear. Dawn was the last one off, pausing to take the monster's earrings, necklace, and ring as well as its purse.

"Buffy," Xander began and then sighed. "We'll try this again, but this time don't talk to her."

"Sorry," Buffy apologized.

**Second Attempt:**

The group got off the elevator, Dawn with another purse and Kennedy carrying a new pair of shoes.

"She farted, someone had to say it," Kennedy said.

"I did not!" Buffy exclaimed. "It was the creature."

"Regardless, let's try this again," Xander said.

**Third Attempt:**

"Nice earrings?" Buffy asked Dawn as they stepped off the elevator.

Dawn grinned, completely unrepentant, and flicked one of her new earrings. "Look at the size of these rubies."

**Fourth Attempt:**

"Cool shoes?" Xander asked Buffy as the elevator closed behind then and Dawn tossed a purse onto the pile.

"Dawn got earrings and it's been a while since I went shoe shopping, besides this pair is just perfect for me," Buffy said stretching out a leg to show off her new shoes.

"Stop bogarting all the jewellery," Kennedy told Dawn.

Willow rubbed her side. "Why do they always hit the same spot?"

**Fifth Attempt:**

"Die bitch?" Dawn asked, clearly amused.

"What? Someone was going to say something," Willow said. "I just wanted to get some licks in before I got hit in the ribs again."

"Ok, one more time," Xander said. "But if any of you talk, it's straight to bed without supper!"

This time everything went smoothly and as they exited on what was labeled the tenth floor. Xander shook his head. "I have never seen a faceless horror plug its ears and chant 'La la la! I'm not listening!' before."

"We should probably clean up, we are a mess," Willow said as she looked at the torn clothing and exposed flesh on display.

"We'll get a suite and order room service," Xander decided.

**Typing by: thoriyan**


	8. Chapter 8

**First Knight 8**

"Don't ask," Xander told the front desk clerk. Pulling a large wad of bills out of his pocket, he peeled off a dozen hundreds and laid them on the desk in front of the startled looking clerk. "I need a suite, preferably one thirty six if it's available. We'll also have dinner in: steak, double portions all around." Without waiting for a response, Xander turned and strode off.

"I never pictured you as a rich, snooty type," Dawn said, taking his hand.

A pair of bellhops ran past the group.

"It's the best way to get service in this day and age," Xander explained. "It was a different time."

"And you always carry large rolls of cash on you?" Buffy asked.

"Money solves a lot of problems," Xander told her. "It's Bruce Wayne's super power."

"Wont he notice the dates are off?" Willow asked.

"It's the correct money for this date," Xander assured her.

"It would be more expensive to get older currency in mint condition, so either you're rich or have figured out a work around," Willow said.

"You roll the dead diners for cash?" Buffy guessed.

"Ghoulish, but practical," Kennedy admitted.

"Can and have when necessary," Xander admitted. "But no, there are easier ways to rob the past."

"Hotel safes," Dawn said.

"Bingo," Xander agreed as he let go of Dawn's hand and peeled off a couple hundreds for the bellboys who were standing by the open door to usher them into their suite.

"Everyone clean up and get ready for dinner," Xander said. "We look like we went five rounds with Mike Tyson at the moment."

It took nearly ten minutes for everyone to get ready and by that time a table had been set and food laid out by the wait staff.

"There are some good things about this time, however the soap and toilet paper don't qualify," Buffy said as they sat down.

"A lot of time and money went into improving all of the toiletries we know and love," Xander pointed out.

"Yeah, but I have yet to see a time travel story that mentions it," Buffy replied.

"This is delicious!" Dawn moaned after taking a bite of steak.

"It's why I eat here," Xander replied, digging in to his own food.

It was quiet for a minute or two as everyone ate, taking the edge off their hunger.

"Why?" Buffy asked.

"Why what?" Xander replied.

"Why'd you leave?" Buffy asked.

"A half dozen reasons," Xander told her with a sigh.

"Was it over work?" Willow asked. "We loaded too much on you, didn't we?"

"We were all over worked, Wills," he said, shaking his head. "I know for a fact that everyone at this table worked at least the equivalent of three full time jobs while we were getting everything set up. If anything, I had it easier than you guys, because I learned how to delegate in Africa and was allowed a free hand in hiring. Once I got everything set up, all I did was hiring; until I got a chance to pass it on to Willow."

"We neglected you?" Dawn guessed.

"No, though if we had gotten together more I probably would have stayed longer. Everyone was busy, we just didn't have enough time to do more than sleep when we were off," Xander said.

"Money?" Kennedy asked before shaking her head. "No, you never really cared about that."

"People giving you shit?" Dawn asked. "What? Faith wasn't here to say it," she said once she noticed everyone staring at her uncharacteristic use of profanity.

Xander laughed. "No, but if you ever find out what Faith and Wood's problem is, let me know."

"Then... why?" Willow asked anxiously.

"I got into demon hunting-" Xander began.

"To impress me," Buffy interrupted.

"Right," Xander drawled. "I'm sure the way I pointed at vampires and said 'sic 'em' was all sorts of impressive. Sorry, Buff while I did want to fuck you, Cordelia was hotter and easier to get in the sack, especially after you started getting anorexically thin."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "You'll never convince her, just move on."

"Ok, I wanted Willow safe and the demons to pay for killing Jessie," Xander said. "I couldn't kill them directly, but I could help Buffy and that would kill a whole lot more than anything else I could do. Now with Willow all uber powerful and slayers everywhere, I'm not really needed-"

"We need you!" Willow interrupted.

"No, you don't," Xander said. "Now no more interruptions or I'll never finish. Willow doesn't need any protection, nor does the council need my help. Everything I did could have been done by someone else and I found myself sitting at a desk doing paper work far too often. So I assigned my work to other people, packed my bags and -"

"Started an American version of the council," Kennedy interrupted. "We're in the nineteen twenties," she said with a smirk, "we have forever to talk."

Xander grinned. "So I decided to see America and kill vampires. I ran into a lot of slayers, all of whom recognized me from Slayer dreams and all of whom insisted on getting my phone number and calling me when they had problems."

"You created a council to get out of work," Willow said, knowing how Xander thought.

"Partially," he admitted. "Mainly I did it because I couldn't help everyone at once, even if I gave up sleep and partially because I was not going to be stuck behind a desk again."

"And since you were dealing with young girls with cell phones glued to their ears..." Dawn trailed off with a slowly growing smile.

"Exactly. It's pretty low budget, but even if it's not talked about, demons are a fact of life and word has gotten around about slayers being good news, so a little schmoozing and a bug in a few ears and I got it all subsidized," he explained.

"Why not send them to the council?" Buffy asked.

"You know how American girls are," Xander said with a shrug. "I suggest, they ignore and just call me. I had a couple interested, but after meeting Council teams and hearing the reports from other slayers, they don't want anything to do with them."

Buffy groaned. "Discouraging civilian involvement prevents needless deaths," she defended herself.

"If demons didn't target 'civilians' as their S.O.P. you might have a point," Xander told her. "As is, all you do is ensure they are uneducated and defenseless. At any rate, my girls don't like your council and want nothing to do with it. Lacking the funds of the Dead Old Brits, I improvised and now it's a self-run system that I have little to do with."

"Then what's up with the whole First Knight business?" Buffy demanded, upset and trying to deflect attention from a rule she was already planning to remove as a bad idea, even if she wasn't going to admit it aloud just yet.

"A knight in shining armor you ain't," Kennedy drawled out with a fake Texan accent.

"The 'K' is the joke," Xander said with a sigh.

"First Night?" Dawn asked. "What does that mean?"

"When girls become slayers they get a series of dreams-" Xander began to explain, when Kennedy suddenly fled the room, ducking into one of the suite's bedrooms and slamming the door behind her. Willow began to get up, but Xander placed a hand on her arm. "She's just embarrassed. Let me finish and you'll understand."

"Ok," Willow agreed.

"Now, when a girl becomes a slayer she gets Slayer dreams of all the slayers before her... kinda. There are way too many, and far too many of them died pretty horribly, for them to see and remember and stay sane. Their minds tend to comb through them for comforting and familiar scenes in between all the fighting and dying, to help balance it out," he explained.

"That doesn't really explain the joke," Dawn said, "though it does explain why you are able to find and convince so many girls they are slayers. I imagine dreams of you as a friend and confidant help quite a bit."

"Ok, now understand this isn't my joke, I'm an unwilling participant," he warned them. "They came up with it, they spread it, and they wont let it die."

"Does this have anything to do with jus primae noctis?" Willow demanded, paling.

"The what now?" Buffy asked.

"The right of first night," Dawn replied. "In medieval times, when a peasant couple got married the local lord had the right to sleep with her on her wedding night before her husband. It's a popular hypothesis anyway, but there's no concrete proof that it actually existed."

"So you have the right to sleep with all the slayers you find?" Buffy asked with a frown, thinking it didn't sound like something Xander would do. "I can't see you doing that."

"Thank you, Buffy. I appreciate that," Xander said, giving her a smile.

"I don't think you would either," Willow quickly added. "I just really hate the concept and can't see anything funny or good coming out of it."

"Understandable," Xander agreed. "Now, traditionally a girl became a woman when she first had sex and lost her hymen, hence the term maiden head, and a girl became a slayer when she got her first Slayer dream."

"Ok, I can see that," Dawn allowed.

"The first night of Slayer dreams is pretty shocking, so to balance things out they need some comforting scenes as well," Xander explained.

"So they get dreams of you comforting me?" Buffy asked.

"That and a couple of scenes from Kendra and Faith," Xander said, blushing.

"You don't mean..." Willow said, eyes wide as she recalled what had occurred between Xander and Faith.

"So, girls become slayers while having wet dreams about you," Dawn said, trying not to laugh and actually biting her lip.

"Why not me and Angel?" Buffy asked, feeling slighted but not sure she wanted the dubious honor of her first time shared with a whole generation of slayers either.

"That's the second half of the joke," Xander admitted. "They get little clips of your relationship with Angel and where it led..."

Buffy winced.

"Yeah," Xander said. "So the joke is, dreaming of sex with me turns a girl into a slayer and that virgin slayers have the right to ask me to cure their condition, so nothing like what happened with you and Angel can occur again."

"How do you find time to assist all the slayers on your Slaybook page if you're running around popping cherries?" Buffy asked, trying to ignore the fact that her relationship with Angel had become a morality lesson.

"My Slaybook page is kinda like Tom on MySpace," Xander said. "It's automatic, and the assists are..."

"Yes?" the girls asked, leaning close.

"The assists also include times when the girls claim I raised their spirits," Xander admitted.

"How many slayers are you boinking?!" Dawn demanded in shock.

"None," Xander said. "Raising their spirits doesn't require my presence, just ... memories of me and possibly a warm bath or pulsating shower head. A lot of those are post battle assists."

The girls burst out laughing.

"So just to be clear, you aren't running around sexing up a bunch of slayers," Buffy said.

"I've been requested quite a bit, but most cases are easily handled by me finding them a boyfriend," Xander admitted. "I actually spend at least half my time helping with non-slaying and non-laying matters."

"But occasionally?" Dawn asked.

"Very occasionally," Xander conceded.

"So Kennedy is a bitch to you because she dreamed you had sex?" Buffy asked.

"You can see where it would upset her," Xander said.

"So you two just snipe at each other like you and Cordy did and for much the same reason," Willow said in understanding.

"It relieves the tension," Xander said with a shrug. "Once she accepts the fact that a dream or two doesn't mean anything then she'll be fine. If she wasn't so tightly wound she'd have gotten over it years ago."

"You could have written a letter or something," Buffy said. "You just vanished. Poof!"

"Buffy, we haven't been close since... sometime early senior year," Xander said thoughtfully. "We drifted apart a lot more during college and then there were the years in Africa and even my time in England. You and Willow both were too busy to see me, but not too busy to have lunch with each other, which not only was I not invited to, I was told it was your private time for just your best friends."

"It was a girl thing," Buffy offered lamely, realizing she had forgotten to add Xander to the access list she left with her secretary since she'd written it up while he was in Africa and hadn't updated it.

"That put things in perspective," Xander continued. "Dawn made time to have lunch with me when she could and only stopped when she got really involved with a special project and a guy named Paul."

"It was an important project and I ended up having to cut off Paul's head with a frozen fish," Dawn said with a frown.

Xander shrugged. "Well, all I know is that the only person who had time for me was Kennedy, who would come by and insult me any time we were both at the home office. It got to where it was all I had to actually look forward to most days. So I considered my life and decided it was time to leave. I missed the States and killing vampires myself, I'm not the kind of person who likes being stuck behind a desk. That's my story in a nutshell."

"Did you make a lot of friends?" Dawn asked.

"I have friends all across the U.S.," Xander said cheerfully. "And I've seen a lot of the places I didn't get to on my road trips. I'm thinking of branching out into Canada next."

"We have a watcher assigned there already," Buffy said.

"And?" Xander asked.

"And you can't just go around poaching all the slayers," Buffy told him.

"They aren't animals," Xander said. "They have a right to know what their options are and to choose for themselves."

"Somehow I doubt you paint a very flattering picture of the Council," Buffy said as she considered the number of slayers who were on Slaybook.

"I'm completely honest with them. It's the Council that paints a bad picture of itself," Xander said, shaking his head.

"If a slayer let them know she was a slayer and not a civilian, it would be a whole 'nother matter," Buffy said.

"That was tried once or twice," Xander said. "The Council's need to insult and discourage non-slayers offended both slayer and her team."

"Team?" Willow asked.

"Slayers work best when they have a group to be alpha of," Xander explained. "I've found that each slayer normally needs at least two other people to be successful. You need a dedicated researcher, a magic user, and someone to get the doughnuts; and a single person can handle more than one of those."

"So each slayer actually heads up a team?" Dawn asked.

"Like Sheriff Colbert," Willow said in understanding.

"Exactly," Xander agreed. "And some of the teams insist a reformed demon is needed, but it's not mandatory."

**Typing (slowly) by: Ordieth**


End file.
